I've been feeling so cuckoo lately what with the stress of multi-tasking. My dear husband has been ultra patient with me and my sadistic tendencies (that actually sounds kinky) and he has managed to divert my sadism with his never-ending massages and patience. Anyway, I wrote this article a few years ago about these strange brain disorders and just wanted to share it with my readers (as of last count I have 3,000 plus people wasting their precious time reading this blog. I bet half of them hate my guts (hah! you know who you are -- you sick WEB VOYEURS!) and half of them LOVE me. To the latter, the feeling is mutual. To those who read this blog just to keep track of my exciting life because yours are unbearably boring -- get a life (not a nose job), read this article and have your brains checked! (Evil laughter in the background.)
"It’s official. I am now suffering from a serious, albeit temporary mental malaise. Although my condition has not yet progressed to full-blown dementia, I suspect that I am presently in the ‘pre-dementia’ or ‘questionable dementia’ stage (I actually did some minor research which proves that I haven’t entirely lost it). Selective memory loss (for some reason I only remember the things I want to remember) and / or forgetfulness -- what did I say again? Oh, yes, forgetfulness; violent outbursts; self-pity; and an almost daily, syncopic loss of consciousness (where my brain literally zonks out and plays dead for 30 seconds; I used to call these brain black-outs ‘30-second comas’ during my post-college years) especially when there’s an influx of things that I’m supposed to do and when deadlines are near -- are just some of the symptoms of my (mental) illness.
However, I shall leave it to the able doctors and psychiatrists to give the proper prognosis and definition of my affliction. All I know is that my condition is actually temporary and will soon be miraculously cured – specifically when I’m done with all my “brain” projects. I’m talking of course about all my writing assignments lined up for this month and the Iloilo Yearbook is one of them. You see, the trouble with my job is that except for some minor finger action (I meant when I’m typing on my laptop, you sleazy fools) my brain is actually doing most of the work. Now this is a scary thing because if my brain conks out, I won’t have a replacement for it. If this fella inside my head goes bananas, can I go to the hospital and ask for a brain transplant (a lobotomy, maybe, but a brain transplant, no) or to a store and order a Pentium 10 brain to go (the high-tech PC has Pentium 5, give me some credit, will you)? I don’t think so. If my brain malfunctions, then I’m as good as dead or you can add me to your chopsuey (I’ll be a vegetable, what else?).
In order to fully know and understand what ails me, I did my usual research and came across some rare brain disorders and diseases. What I found out were mind-bogglingly worse (or better – you be the judge) than mine but definitely more interesting. Take for example this American woman who woke up from a stroke with a brand-new British accent, specifically, a mixture of English cockney and West Country. This was despite the fact that the woman had never been to
There have only been a few documented cases of this mental syndrome, but the first one occurred in
So, you get thumped or bashed on the head and voila -- you’ll be speaking with a French, Irish or Japanese accent when you wake up. However, if luck (and I’m not trying to be insulting, just tongue-in-cheek) is on your side, instead of sounding foreign, you might end up with a thick Visayan or Kinaray-a accent (the latter I already have, so no need to hit me in the head). Now, that’s an interesting thought.
And here’s another one. To have a hand which defies your will, or even turns violently against you may sound like pulp fiction fodder or a plot meant for one of those horror B-movies. “Anarchic Hand” has earned the popular sobriquet, Dr. Strangelove syndrome (named after the eponymous scientist with the unruly limb in Stanley Kubrick's 1964 film), where a stroke, head injury or aneurysm can cause a hand to become errant or take a life of its own. Just like the mad, bomb-maker character of Peter Sellers in the movie; the 40 or so people who are documented to have been afflicted with “Anarchic Hand” are often forced into Jekyll and Hyde-like skirmishes with their recalcitrant appendage. Some were even known to uncharacteristically hit people or to strangle themselves to near-death with their own violently, uncooperative hands.
Come to think of it, a few days ago I actually felt my hand twitch when I saw someone I have been wanting to beat to a pulp (this one’s real, not fiction). The moment I saw her disgusting, serpent-like face, I actually had to hold my “anarchic” right hand by my left or it would have taken a life of its own and whacked the poor, dumb girl on the spot. The question is, if I did pummel her, could I have used Dr. Strangelove’s syndrome as a way out of a possible law suit? That’s another food for thought.
There is also another mental syndrome called Agnosia that makes people unable to recognize faces, shapes or even specific sorts of animals. This syndrome has an even more distressing “offshoot” in the form of Capgras syndrome. Named after the French doctor who identified it in the 1920s, the syndrome causes its victims to conclude that a loved one has been replaced by an impostor. It results from the breaking of the link between the parts of the brain responsible for visual recognition and emotional response, brought on by, again, a head injury or a deep depression.
There is actually a story about a Welsh couple who was involved in a minor car crash in 1995. Alan Davies, the husband, suffered from Capgras syndrome and became convinced by a series of vivid flashbacks that his wife of 31 years had not survived the accident. He decided that Christine Davies (in reality suffering nothing more than whiplash), was in fact a double impersonating his "dead" spouse (call it reverse doppelganger if you will). Though Mr. Davies still believes that "Christine One" was killed, and shows little affection for her "double", the couple has not divorced.
So, how would you feel then if your husband is still in love with his “dead” wife (the “dead” wife is, of course, you) but he thinks you are his “new” impostor wife? Will you still love him, leave him, or make him fall in love with you all over again? This just tells us that love could really boggle not just the heart but also the mind. Aw, shucks. Now I’m really going insane."
